The Feeling I'm Feeling

8th May 2020

12:58am

Day by day,

I'm starting to feel something different,

something that keep bothering me.

And I know what it is.

It makes me feel drained by unexplainable thought. 

I'm happy but the moment you call out my name,

I feel empty but with a lie where I said that I'm fine to people whom asking me.

It makes me to tell myself that I'm gonna be okay, soon.

It makes me ask myself "How it come to this?"

I remembered one thing.

Someone said that when you been hurt a lot by people,

you tend to forgot how to love them back.

And that moment, I don't believe it because I believe people deserve second chance.

Until...

Until it hits me hard.

I'm sorry..

I feel bad at a moment..

I feel like I lie my feelings to them.

But I really love them. 

I know myself,

it just I don't know how..

I need some time,

to build the worship,

with YOU

I'm sorry again..

Give me some time,

To find the answer..

- yinyong-s

A LETTER FOR YOU.

2:03 am

21 April 2020

An empty room

One day,

We just known about each other. 

Sharing our thoughts, stories, interests.

Until we don't realize it almost 4 in the morning.

But we felt like we were close.

Day by day, 

We started have deeper conversation.

And that moment, I realize that I felt this feeling again.

Something that difficult to describe by words because you're the one who feel it.

It become stronger when a day passed by.

Day by day,

The feeling getting stronger.

You were always in my mind.

Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

What's feeling is this?

Why it keep haunting me every time?

As time passed by,

I lost against myself.

I choose to make everything clear.

To make sure that I don't need to be suffer again.

And the day has come.

I feel relieved.

I don't mind for an answer 

For now...

But yeah, at least I already make it. Make everything clear.

No more dying with deeper thoughts and overthinking.

Thank you for the chance.

Let the time decides.....

-yinyong-

Late Night Thoughts

0202hrs

040219

Monday

Bismillah,

I've been through hard weeks, lately. 

I don't know what has happening these day lately.

What's wrong with me? good question.

I don't even know the answers.

Hey you.

Yes you, I know you will not able to read this since I'm gonna share it to you.

Please take good care of my person that I love the most.

Don't easily break other's heart.

Don't repeat the same mistake that you've promise that you won't do it again.

Promise to me. 

At some moment, I think I should go somewhere else that people don't even have idea about it.

A quite place.

Because I feel that i doesn't fit with them.

Some of you would say, "What if there's people who missed your existence?"

Well, easy. They care because they act like they care so we will feel happy. Its just a word without any meaning. They say it with no feelings at all.

So, let them feel my nonexistence. 

Let them feel what is pain and how painful and struggled I'm going through this all by myself.

Hey you.

No, the other you who the one I love the most.

Please take care of yourself if I'm not longer at here.

I just want you to know that I love you so much like how I love myself.

Thankyou for coming in my life and bring rainbow to make my life looks cheerful.

Again, I love you.

see you when i see you and till the end of our times! ✨

-yinyong-

   🐼

家族 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 ( Family 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 )

0121hrs

030119

Thursday

Bismillah,

Hey, we met again! Suddenly, malam ni terasa nak tulis something.

Remember entry pasal yang aku baru lepas habis first semester tu and terselit pasal Family SenyumSelalu 💞 ? 

So, today aku nak cerita pasal setiap sorang dari Family SenyumSelalu 💞 and awal-awal nak cakap maybe cerita pasal dorang ni boleh jadi pendek or panjang. either one, so yeah. lets begin..

First and foremost, ni adalah Khai atau dikenali as Along dalam family ni. 

Dia ni founder *mata pandang keatas dan tangan dibahu* group/family ni. 

Dia gabungkan kitaorang yang dari stranger kepada family ngeh. 

Nak dijadikan cerita yang dia ni adalah manusia paling happy-go-lucky aku pernah jumpa, full with humorous sense haha. Lawak-lawak lucah dia tetap menjadi pojaan ramai yang peliknya lawak biasa dia tersangatlah hambar. 

Khai dengan aku tersangatlah rapat since pertemuan kali pertama cehhh. Banyak juga aku share story dengan dia ni. 

Basically, he's a good listener, happy-go-lucky person and seorang yang sangat kelakar dengan lawak lucah hahaha!

Next, ni Hadi or Angah.

Dia ni hmm mulut memang takde insurans habis tapi best ah buat borak borak en.

Kadang-kadang dia ni nampak serious kadang nampak macam cibai eh ahahaha.

Paling best si Hadi ni, dia always support each of us ngeh ngeh.

Oh yes, Hadi dengan Khai beat beat je lawak lucah dia hahaha. Aku sendiri pun taktau asal dorang suka sangat buat lawak tu padahal banyak lagi lawak boleh buat.

Aku dengan Hadi yes memang rapat and aku start tegur dia masa pemilihan futsal wakil fp untuk sukis. Time tu slow slow rapat dengan dia hiks.

Okay, ni Imran or Abi kahkah.

Dia ni selalu paksa aku hahahahaha paksa aku main ML euw. 

First aku jumpa dia time all about FP kut, dia jadi penceramah untuk teslians ha.

Oh yeah, he good in writing script and also good director for theater dohhh! tak tipu! everything was amazing since manuskrip 1 kuikui.

Imran ni top student FP uolls dan haritu kat bilik meeting, dia share how to be top student. Jawapan dia... ISTIDRAJ UOOLLLSSS aahahahaha cam sheitan jepppp.

Dulu masa manuskrip 1, sumpah aku takut nak datang training sebab dia ni. Idek why padahal beshe beshe je.

Dulu aku dengan Imran tersangatlah tidak rapat sepertimana aku dengan Hadi or Khai but naik je sem baru, Imran selalu ajak dinner pukul 8 dengan yang lain and thats make our bonding stronger kuikui.

Imran ni kaki membawang juga and sangatlah padan dengan aku yang kuat gossip hahahah.

Imran juga suka nyakat aku kahkah but at the end aku kenakan dia balik hehehehe

Ini Acap or Achik.

Acap ni friendly guy and aku kenal dia masa Khai ajak lepak Asik Maju lepas meeting fp untuk sukis.

Acap ni pro multimedia like editting, poster and so on.

Bestnya Acap ni sama macam Hadi support member and always onzzz ceh tipu je hahaha

Acap ada kereta so kereta dialah selalu jadi mangsa untuk kami kemana-mana dan family trip akan datang cehhhh 

Shahid or Baby.

Paling bongsu dalam family, paling manja hahaha.

He's full with motivation sometimes.

Shahid ni suka nyakat orang macam Imran juga haha

Shahid ni awal-awal aku kenal dia masa manuskrip 1, aku rasa dia ni annoy tau haha tapi lama lama kitaorang kenal each other and rupanya duduk dekat juga dengan aku haha.

For me, Shahid ni actor paling dabom ah! Kalau hantar dia ni berlakon depan orang untuk gain money pun comfirm lepas ahhaahahah

Shahid ni pun pro multimedia juga macam Acap hiks and yeah dia ada abang, japgi aku cerita hehe.

Ni Shahrin or Ateh.

Dialah ni abang kandung Shahid.

Macam mana adiknya, begitulah juga abangnya haha.

Sama macam Imran juga, aku takut nak rapat dengan dia ni. Idek whyy, dahlah aku ingat dia lagi tua dari aku, rupanya sebaya AHAH LMAO.

Shahrin ni diehard fans of Spiderman so sesiapa yang ada koleksi spiderman boleh hulurkan dekat dia kahkah.

Ni Ridhwan or Perampas,

Aku taktau kenapa dorang bagi role dia as perampas.

Mula-mula aku jumpa dia time training manuskrip 1 dekat pkk and he's quite familiar to me hmm.

Set-set muka kerek minta spike sekali muka dia ni tapi bolehlah untuk borak-borak.

Acah diva tambah dengan gelak soprano dia selalu menjadi bahan dekat Hadi dengan Syuaib hahaha.

He got beautifu voice doh but takleh lawan suara aku lagi ah kbye.

Ni Syuaib or Alang.

Dulu aku dengan Eib tak rapat mana but lepas bila tah baru rapat gila dengan Eib hehe.

Sekarang ni kitaorang pair untuk teater manuskrip 2.0 ni ehehe.

Eib selalu jadi model aku kalau aku nak buat photoshoot.

Eib ni kadang-kadang annoy gak tau tapi annoy dia tulah selalu buat aku tergelak tak ingat dunia ceh.

Eib ni sama macam Hadi, selalu support each other hehe.

Eib ni kadang-kadang perangai dia serious nampak comel macam budak budak sekolah gittew tu yang Haziq adore tu hahahahaha.

Aku start kenal Eib sama macam aku kenal Acap haaa.

Ni Ayid or Tukang kebun.

Gelaran tu Hadi bagi tak silap bhaha kesian Ayid.

Ayid ni aku start rapat dengan dia time aku dm dia kat ig.

Ayid ni outfit dia dabom gittew tu haha.

Best kenal dengan Ayid ni bila aku selalu kacau dia hahaha 

Banyak nak cerita pasal Ayid ni tapi biarlah YTJT hehehehehe.

Oh yeah, Ayid ni selalu jadi mangsa kecaman Hadi, Imran, Haziq dengan Khai HAHAHA

Lastly, ni Haziq or hm kadang-kadang Adam kadang-kadang Umi tahlah..

Haziq comel! 

Comel-comel dia ni pun kaki membawang jugalahhhh

Haziq ni pun penuh dengan positivity and motivation. Tak caya? Boleh tengok ig and status ws dia hahaha.

Haziq ni suka bluetick orang or ignore ws or reply lambat ws orang. Sebab apa aku bagitau? Sebab aku pun salah sorang mangsa.

Sama macam Imran juga, aku takut nak datang training sebab dia HAHAH.

Dulu takdelah rapat sangat dengan Haziq ni, tah macam mana tah boleh rapat hahaha

Haziq ni kadang-kadang boleh jadi penceria kitaorang gak dan selalu jadi bahan kecaman oleh Hadi dengan Imran hahaha.

So, itulah serba sedikit pasal Family SenyumSelalu 💞 

Sebenarnya kalau nak cerita pasal dorang ni memang tak cukup tau, ada je cerita cumanya aku simplify sebab dah ngantuk haha.

Family SenyumSelalu 💞 nilah selalu menjadi penceria hari hari aku.

Hoping for more memories with them! much lovessssssssss 💚

see you when i see you and till the end of our times! ✨

-yinyong-

   🐼

さよなら 2018! (Sayonara 2018!)

2:52am

020119

Wednesday

Bismillah,

I know its a little bit late but who cares. I wish you guys a Happy New Year! Goodbye 2018!

Year where I going through a lot where I finished my foundation year with flying colour and started my degree with full of commitment and meeting new friends. Hoping the best for 2019.

Instead of finishing my 2018 dekat atas katil semalam, hari sebelumnya aku dengan Family SenyumSelalu 💞 decided to fulfill hajat Haziq untuk ke Light and Motion Putrajaya 2018. Honestly, I felt excited the most since aku suka tempat tempat gini. Yelah, photographer mestilah suka tempat-tempat gini eventho aku still beginner ngeh. I took a lot shot of them and the lights (takdelah banyak mana since nak kejar masa ngeh) So I share some of them:

So there is it, a lot of improvement needed! 

Well the main highlight is dapat kumpul balik Family SenyumSelalu 💞 eventho incomplete but still boleh gelak ketawa macam masa khai ada pun dah cukup ngeh.

Looking for more adventure and plan with them wehuuuu.

2018.

Tahun yang agak sukar untuk aku walaupun ada kegembiraan yang tidak cukup buatkan aku senang hati. Kini kau dah pergi dan aku nak kau biar terkubur bersama kenangan pahit tetapi tinggalkan kenangan manis tu bersama aku.

2019.

Tahun baru, nafas baru.

Harapan aku hanya satu agar kesilapan dan kenangan pahit semasa 2018 tidak akan berulang lagi.

Kini era 20s aku bermula. Moga agar lebih matang menghadapi hari hari yang mendatang. Untuk Family SenyumSelalu 💞 terimakasih. Untuk semua yang datang dalam hidup aku dan bawa pelangi, terimakasih dan tolong jangan tinggalkan aku sendirian sebab aku perlu sokongan semua andai aku jatuh. Aku tak kuat macam dulu.

Dan untuk yang datang dalam hidup dan bawa semak, terimakasih dan sila pergi jangan kembali. Cukup benda manis yang kau bawa tapi pengakhirannya kau bagi aku sampah.

see you when i see you and till the end of our times! ✨

-yinyong-

   🐼

新しい始まり (Atarashī hajimari)

7th October 2018

1:19am Sunday

Dark Room

Bismillah,

Basically, I've finished my first semester for degree after through thick and thin in this new level. Quite tough but yeah still manage to finish it off and hopefully get what I dream off.

Well, I never thought that my first semester would end like this..

To be honest, I've my own other family at KUIS which is FamiliPersis but I never thought that I could have another one. (WOW)

Lemme story about it..

This is Family SenyumSelalu 💞

In this family, we have Imran as Abi, Ridwan as Perampas (dont ask me why he's perampas hahaha), Shahid as Baby, Hadi as Angah, Khai as Along, me as Adik, Ayid as Tukang Kebun (this too ohmy hahaha), Acap as Achik, Haziq as Adam (from left to right) and there's another three family members whose not in the picture which is Coeb as Alang, Nuzul as Mama (hmm still dont know why hahaha) and Rain as Ateh.

From those name you can recognize and imagine what is our personalities and characteristic in this family. 

At first, I never thought that I would become one of them since I'm from foundation and dont even know who are they and we're not even close! 

Plus, I've been knowing them when I'm joining the theater for Malam Ambang Kemerdekaan and that was the beginning of our friendship.

Fyi, aku adalah sikit rasa tak seronok bila kena invite dalam group whatsapps Family SenyumSelalu 💞 maybe sebab at that moment aku tengah serabut macam macam kan uhuhu.

But, siapa sangka daripada ada rasa cemtu terus rasa kalau boleh nak spend time banyak banyak dengan dorang ni sebab bila lepak dengan dorang ni kau gelak sampai kering gusi beb paling teruk pun lawak Khai yang memang hambar kadang-kadang so ada rasa nak pijak dia kktak ahahaha.

Aku bukan apa, aku cuma memang susah nak rapat dengan orang plus awal awal latihan teater aku adalah takut sikit dengan Imran, Haziq and Rain hahahaha idek why 😂

Kau boleh bayang tak dah berapa banyak plan dorang yang aku join? banyak gila sampai aku rasa rugi sebab tak record those memories ahaha

Daripada lepak tasik, midnight movie, Cameron Highlands, Food Review, Bowling and more.

And dari plan tulah ukhwah each other makin lama makin rapat like macammana sebuah family tu.

Nak cerita pasal sorang sorang pun memang akan jadi panjang lebar but atas sebab depa ni kind of special persons in my life so yeah HAHAHA sorry still malas maybe one day kut hiks.

Anyway, jujur ah cakap sekali lagi depa ni sangat sangat sangat sangatttttt best and anticipating for more activities with them since aku dah terasa nak buat memacam dengan dorang ni hahahaha

Sejak join dengan dorang ni, aku jarang gaklah duduk bilik eventhough akulah paling jarang lepak dengan dorang kat bilik meeting upppsi ahahahahahaha

Oh yeah, nak jadikan cerita yang sebenarnya Khai tu dah last sem and nak praktikal dah habis sem ni. shit the most thing that i hate bila nak rapat pastu tetiba hmmmmmm. 

Well, dialah playmaker in this family where dialah plan itu ini, dialah kaunselor, dialah badut, dialah supporters, dialah founder eh hahahahaa

Adalah adegan drama sedih semalam dalam group whatsapps and since aku dah lama tak sedih sedih semalam tersedih jugalah sampai nak nangis sibbaik tak nangis ahahaha.

Anyway, I wishh you the best for you practical ya Khai or Along! rajin-rajinlah lawat adik-adikmu disini dan tolong stop buat lawak hambar AHAHAHA dan kalau rindu nak kena spam boleh roger Coeb or saya sendiri ya kahkah.

sht, rasa macam panjang sangat (padahal takdelah panjang mana pun lol) and merepek plus aku dah taktau nak cerita lagi, so thats all! 

ada masa lagi nanti, aku akan cerita lagi pasal depa ni okay? stay tuned!

see you when i see you and till the end of our times! ✨

-yinyong-

   🐼

Till the end of our times

31st May 2018

2:10am Thursday

Dark room

Bismillah,

" We found each other

I helped you out of a broken place
You gave me comfort

I put you on top, I put you on top
I claimed you so proud and openly
And when times were rough, when times were rough
I made sure I held you close to meI want you to stay  "

4 days left...
I'm counting how many days left for me to stay and spend some more times with them at here
Can't believe this is how its end, how our first met started and our last met ended
4 days its just not enough for us
for doing a lot of crazy things like we used to be
Am hoping for more times, more days to be with this people...

Dedicated to FamiliPersis,

Honestly, I'm not ready for the day where we will seperated and choose our own path

How if we're not recognize each other? How if we're not approach each other if we met at somewhere like we used to be? How if we can't meet again? How if we will not see our face together anymore? honestly from deep of my heart, I dont want to lose each of us.. 

I realize that I'm having thantophobia; the phobia where I'm scared of losing someone that I love so much.

I'm scared because its already happen once and I don't want it happen again especially when you guys already become a part of my life where we already share a lot stuff together.

However we can't cross the line of Allah's plan, I'm just hoping that you guys will not forget me and the others whenever we're far far away from each other because once I said I love you its mean I really mean it and there's no any jokes or whatsoever. lets keep in touch and all the best for whatever path that you choose, remember that I always be there when you need someone! I love you guys so much and gonna miss you guys

(i cried a little bit actually lol being emotional suddenly)

Last but not least,

For those who stayed with me till the end of our foundation years,

I just want to say thankyou for being there whenever I'm going through thick and thin for this one whole year

Thankyou for keep sending me a lot of positive vibes

Lets keep in touch till the end and all the best for the next stage!

Will miss you guys badly and yes ofcourse I love you guys toooo

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teach me how to fight over Thantophobia?

Its hard when i need to through it many times

I (F words) doesn't want to leave them but how can I stop them when its one of Allah's plan?

the only way I can do is pray the best for us and hoping that we will meet one day anywhere and if can't at least we can meet each other at Firdausi, aamiin.

So for about 4 days left before we officially end of our foundation year at KUIS.

Too much sweet and bad memories had been created with them, too much through thick and thin together with FamiliPersis, too much memories that can't be erased and forgetten.

Will be miss foundation year at here.

Farewell foundation batch 17/18!

see you when I see you and 

Till the end of our times, ya!

-yinyong-

   🐼